How to Get Your Sex Drive Back

Almost all of us struggle with a low or absent sex drive at some point, which can lead to a host of problems—diminished self-esteem, feelings of rejection from a partner, tension in a romantic relationship.

It’s important to remember that there are a litany of external factors that influence the way we feel in the sack—it’s no one’s fault. But there are solutions. Provided you’ve spoken with your doctor to rule out any hormonal or physical causes, here are some of the things you might try to add a little more spice back into your sex life:

• Experiment with sex toys: For many people, the physical component of arousal can be challenging—specifically, knowing what stimulation is necessary and where. If you haven’t quite figured out what works for you, or are curious about what else might feel good, trying out some sex toys alone or with a partner can be instructive (and fun!) Sex toys can help you figure out exactly what pressure you need, at what intensity, and where. Knowing what gives you pleasure can help you feel more confident in the bedroom, and put some excitement back into your sack sessions. Why not try our Sex Toy Quiz and find the right one for you?
• Have sex in different locations: Hey, there’s a reason people always have sex in the bed–it’s soft, warm, and comfy. But what about trying somewhere different? Some couples find it exciting to have sex outdoors (provided it’s in an isolated area)—think camping, secluded beaches. If you’re not quite that adventurous, you could try different rooms in your home—your kitchen, the living room, or maybe your office.
• Role play: Maybe you always had a fantasy of an appliance repairman showing up at your door wearing a tight muscle shirt and … no? Not for you? Almost everyone has one of these fantasies, and it can be fun and titillating to act them out. French maids, police officers, caped and masked avengers—whatever gets your fire started, don’t be afraid to play a little bit of pretend. (Costumes can also come in handy here.)

Above all, a strong sex drive relies on communication. Being able to explain to your partner what feels good, hear what feels good for them, and explore it all in a safe and 100% consensual manner requires an open and honest connection. And ultimately, that strong communication is the pathway to greater intimacy in all aspects of your life, including the bedroom.